


New Life

by Zoe1078



Series: The Dunbonnet's Cave [2]
Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 14:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7466496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe1078/pseuds/Zoe1078
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little Lallybroch ficlet based on a tumblr prompt. Some Lallybroch fluff about a new addition to the Fraser family. It resides in the Dunbonnet's Cave AU, but can be read as a standalone fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Life

 

I rolled over in the big bed and reached out for a large, warm body, only to find cool, rumpled sheets. My mind and body were muzzy with exhaustion, for the past two days had been the longest we had had in years. I was sorely tempted to bury myself further into the covers and leave Jamie to whatever he was doing so late at night, but my mother's instincts did not allow me the luxury. I was compelled to make sure everyone was well, so I stumbled blearily out of bed and into the hall. 

A fire blazed in the hearth below, and when I peered over the railing, a sense of deja vu swept over me. It was a scene lifted directly out of the past: Jamie sat on the settle, cradling an infant close to his chest. But it wasn't Kitty. This baby was very small, barely hours old, and as much mine as it was his. 

This time Jamie didn't speak. He was silent, entranced by the little one before him. One hand hovered millimeters above the child, a single finger tracing perfect features, over soft, pale skin, rosebud lips, tiny nose, plump cheeks, dark lashes, nearly invisible eyebrows, fuzzy red hair, crinkled ears. The baby was asleep, safe and warm in loving arms. 

I, too, could have stared at the child for hours. The simple joy of peaceful, new life was mesmerizing. But I was equally enamored of the man holding the babe. His skin was ruddy, lips wide, nose straight and Roman, cheekbones high, eyes blue and bright, curls red and thick. He was simply the best man I had ever known. I wished I had known him as a child, had been able to witness him change and grow from sweet, innocent babe into a man. Jamie’s innocence was gone, but his sweetness was not.

Who would the child become? When fully grown, would his eyes be Jamie's? His smile? More importantly, would his heart be as generous, his wit as sharp, his spirit as courageous, his conscience as honorable? What would his life be like? Did Jamie ponder these things as they they sat together in the silence of the night? Or was he thinking, as I was, of our lost child, the one he never had the chance to hold? Was he wondering what might have been, whom she might have become? Did he pray for her as he held another? Or did he simply feel joy? I wanted to know, but I hated to ask, and from my angle above him, I couldn’t see his face. 

Then he turned into view, and I knew that what he felt was a happiness so pure that it resembled a sort of white magic. I couldn't bear to break the spell that surrounded him and the babe, so I decided to retreat to our room.

Before I could step back, however, Jamie looked up, sensing my presence, and his expression shifted. His brilliant blue eyes met mine. Light shone from them, and a true smile spread across his lips. This was an expression I was well familiar with. I had seen it thousands of times, and it never failed to make my heart flutter, for it was reserved only for me. 

I tucked my shawl around me and indicated that I would return to bed, but he shook his head. He didn't want me to go, quite the opposite, so I slipped quietly down the stairs and leaned over him. He tilted his mouth up for a soft, sweet kiss, passed the baby over to me, and made room for me to sit. 

The infant squirmed a little during the transfer, blinked sleepily three times, yawned hugely, and relaxed back into sleep. I pressed my lips to one soft cheek, nuzzled at his wide forehead with my nose, and inhaled deeply of the unmistakable scent of new baby. 

Jamie opened his arms to me, and I leaned into his embrace. He held me as gently as I held the child. We sat together in the silence of the night, neither of us sleeping, but exchanging happy glances and secret smiles. From time to time he would stroke my shoulder or collarbone with the back of his hand, and I would kiss his arm or wrist as it passed by. Eventually we both wanted more, so I turned to him, but our movements woke the baby, who started to cry.

I immediately stood, bouncing on the balls of my feet and repeating, “Shh… Shh….” But just as the wailing stopped, a door above us opened, and Brianna appeared. 

“Mama? Da?” As she made her way down the creaky stairs, I saw that her gait was unsteady, and she clung to the bannister.

Jamie sat up on the settle. "Lass, you shouldna be out of bed! Go back and sleep. Your mam and I can do this.”

She shuffled her way across the floor in bare feet. By the time she reached me, the baby had quieted, so she simply kissed the top of his head. “Is he hungry, do you think? Or wet?”

“I don’t think so. I just moved and startled him.” 

“He looks so peaceful now. How is it that babies go from shrieking one second to silent the next?” 

“I dinna ken,” Jamie chuckled, “but the opposite is much more frustrating.”

She blinked blearily for several seconds. “Upstairs is too far away. Can I just sit with you?”

Jamie answered, “Of course,  _ mo nighean ruaidh.  _ For as long as ye like.” As she lowered herself next to him, Jamie welcomed her in, and she wilted against him with a sigh of contentment. 

I walked circles around the room for a few more minutes, as it soothed the baby, until he was asleep once more. Jamie asked me, “Do ye want to go back to bed? I can watch them.”

But I didn’t want to be apart from any of them, not even a few feet away. There was no more room on the settle for one more person, let alone two, so I grabbed a blanket and pillows and lowered myself into a little nest on the floor next to my husband and daughter, the baby secure against me. I looked up to find that Bree, too, had fallen asleep, head resting in the crook of her father's shoulder. “She’s exhausted,” I said quietly.

“No wonder,” Jamie whispered, and kissed her unruly hair. “‘Twas a long day, and a long night before.”

“For both of them,” I added, lightly touching the tip of the baby’s nose. 

He eyed me pointedly. “And for you.”

“I’m fine,” I reassured him. “Better than fine.”

He reached down to cup my cheek in his palm. “Are ye happy, Sassenach?”

I pressed my lips to his palm. “You know I am.”

Eventually he tilted his head back and closed his eyes. His breathing slowed, but he didn’t let go of Brianna. His arms remained draped protectively around her. I didn't often miss the twentieth century, but at this moment, I wished for a camera. This picture of my beloved Jamie and our strong, beautiful daughter was one I wanted to preserve forever. I would cherish it, cherish them, cherish the child in my arms, cherish every member of our family, present and absent, for the rest of my life. I did my best to imprint their images into my memory, and then I let my head tip to rest against the settle.

Some time later, when I was no longer certain if I waked or dreamed, I heard Jamie speak. His voice was low and soft, as he was careful not to wake Brianna. “Ye look sae beautiful with a bairn in your arms,  _ mo ghraidh _ ." He sounded wistful, and I knew he thought of the years he had missed when Brianna was so small.

Without opening my eyes, I smiled and told him, "So do you,” though the babe he held was full-grown, and she now she had a babe of her own, the perfect little man in my arms. 

He chuckled skeptically. "Beautiful? I dinna think so.”

"You're beautiful to me, Jamie. All of you are."

He knew exactly what I meant. "As are you to me, as ye will be when we’re in our nineties, and I canna even see you anymore.”

Behind my eyelids, I imagined what he’d look like at that age, if we were lucky enough to make it that far. “I'll be shriveled by then, one way or another. So will you.”

“And the wee boy will be a man, with bairns of his own. I hope for him, someday…” He paused to gather his thoughts. “I hope he finds the one helps him become the man he should be. Do ye know, Sassenach, when I met ye, you filled my whole heart. ‘Twas so from the first moment you appeared. And when we marrit, I thought it was fit to burst for loving ye. I didn’t know it was possible to feel more than I did at that moment. And when your belly first swelled with child, with our Faith, I wondered how could I love even more? Was it possible? How could there be room in my heart for another, when I already loved ye so?”

A lump formed in my throat, preventing me from speaking for several seconds. I had never gotten over the death of our first child, and I never would. But I had loved her, and so long as I still did, I would never completely lose her. Now I placed one palm on our grandson, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. “I still miss her, you know, after all these years.”

“Aye. I ken that you do. So do I. But having her, even only while she was in you, and losing her… Do you remember what I told you once, long ago, that every day I love ye more?”

Warmth settled over me like a blanket as I recalled his words, as I recalled the exquisite feeling of joy, of belonging. “How could I forget?” 

Jamie placed his own hand on top of mine, linking us all together. “I should have known then,  _ mo ghraidh _ , that my heart couldna burst, not from love, not even from grief. And this little wee man, he’s reminded me...”

Now he brought my hand to his lips. “Reminded you what, Jamie?”

His breath tickled my fingers. 

“Ah. That my heart, it simply grows."


End file.
